Fear These Foods

Terror is the latest trend in food marketing. These five foods go so far as to threaten bodily harm and global annihilation.

Wendy’s Baconator brings to mind the 1984 classic Terminator, in which a human-looking, apparently unstoppable cyborg is sent from the future to kill.

Unlike the Terminator, the Baconator instills fear with its six strips of bacon, two quarter-pound beef patties, two slices of American cheese, mayo and ketchup.

“[The Baconator] is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.”

Jolly Time’s Blast O Butter reminds amateurs to “Step Back”. There’s not just a drizzle of butter or a trickle, “this popcorn delivers a BLAST of the most intense, most savory movie theatre butter flavor ever to smack your taste buds.”

Jolly Time warns that you’ll need to brace yourself before eating it. Who would purchase a product that could inflict this sort of butter destruction?

In the 1990s Slurpee introduced television spots capitalizing on the somewhat painful joy of drinking a Slurpee.

“BrainFreeze Boy” spots captivated young audiences across the country, and they began to associate the term with the “so good, it hurts” attitude that accompanies drinking a Slurpee.

A warning label indicates that the drink may induce “Brain Freeze”.

Hooters scantily-clad waitresses offer enough excitement for most men. Their “Nearly World Famous” wings take extreme eating to a new level with the threat of hospitalization. Try the “9-11 Hot: Call the Paramedics” variety.

If hospitalization isn’t your thing, how about “3 Mile Island” – because nothing is as appetizing as a horrific nuclear accident…except perhaps for atomic warfare.

We have the Taiwanese and “Funtastic Limited” to thank for Warheads, a brand of sour candy first brought to the U.S. in 1993.

Warheads derive their sour flavor from malic acid that is applied as a coating to the outside of the candy.

Warheads are marketed as an extreme candy. The sour taste is akin to a warhead going off in one’s mouth, and the brand’s mascot, Wally Warhead, is depicted as a boy with puckered lips and a small mushroom cloud emanating from the top of his head.


#1 foodette on 03.05.08 at 1:54 am

I especially am not a fan of anything that is a normal food followed by the word “flavor”, so I guess I am most afraid of the popcorn. And the burger. Grossness.

#2 Wheeler on 03.17.08 at 4:18 pm

Oh I remember Warheads from when I was younger. They were such a big deal, now my little brother can’t get enough of them. But what I remember most was how they wore away part of your mouth after awhile, ouch, no thanks.

#3 Wheeler's Frozen Desserts on 03.27.08 at 11:52 pm

Hi again!
Just wanted to pass on this information …

Boston Magazine recently published an article all about us this month - here is the link:

Oh Soy Tasty!

If you have a few minutes to spare, could do us a huge favor and read the article and comment at the bottom of the page? We’re very excited about getting such great press, especially from a magazine of this caliber. If everyone drops by and leaves a quick comment, soon there will be no doubt in any publisher’s mind: YES, readers absolutely do want to know about vegan happenings and developments. Please don’t hesitate to repost the article on your blog and spread the world!

Emily @ Wheeler’s Frozen Desserts

#4 Lady Amalthea on 04.09.08 at 11:04 am

What a terrific round-up! I love it. And really makes you question what we’re putting into our mouths. I too am afraid of anything “flavor,” though I believe the slurpee might be the scariest for me. Brain freeze? No thanks.

#5 Hunter on 05.03.09 at 8:36 pm

Im a kid, and I love warheads, but i never really thought about what it could do to your mouth. I dont think I’ll ever buy any more! They really do hurt your mouth. thanks!

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